Intergalactic Teen Crime Wave
Authorities in Hondo, NM responded to a crashed “UAP” driven by two intoxicated extraterrestrials from Alpha Centauri, who were later arrested and charged with reckless interstellar operation and property damage. The incident reflects a growing trend of disruptive alien tourism, which locals both benefit from and increasingly find concerning.
HONDO, NM — Authorities responded last Tuesday to reports from local citizens of an "Unidentified Anomalous Phenomenon" flying erratically over their town. Moments later, following a loud crash, officers discovered a brightly colored UAP — outfitted with a lifted suspension and oversized exhaust pipes — embedded in a local barn. Two beings fled the scene before authorities arrived. Fortunately, no one was harmed.
After a brief investigation and a tip from a local citizen, the two beings were apprehended and booked at the county jail. The suspects, visiting from the Alpha Centauri region of the galaxy, admitted to having "one too many margaritas" before takeoff.
Teenagers.
The suspect admitted having "one too many margaritas" before takeoff.
"Apparently they can fly through wormholes, travel interdimensionally, and break the laws of gravity," said Officer Smith of the county police department, "but somehow still managed to plow their fancy flying saucer into a giant red barn."
The pair have been charged with property damage, reckless interstellar operation, and flying without proof of insurance. Their court date is set for later next month. The incident is the latest in a string of extraterrestrial disturbances that have divided the community. Some residents have grown frustrated with the uptick in alien visitors and the damage they leave behind, while others argue the tourists have been a boon to the local economy — particularly the gas stations, taquerias, and fireworks stands along Highway 380. Hallmarks of the single most destructive force in any known galaxy.
Adding context to the visits, one local reported receiving a telepathic transmission revealing that Earth is considered the "Redneck Riviera" of the galaxy, and that visiting aliens particularly enjoy the atmosphere's ozone levels and the novelty of Modelo. Most locals say they don't mind the aliens cutting loose, but there's a growing consensus that an age limit needs to be enforced. Recent months have seen a sharp increase in cattle mutilations, crop circles, and anal probes — hallmarks, experts say, not of highly evolved lifeforms, but of the single most destructive force in any known galaxy:
Teenagers.
