Charlotte Police Arrest Sofa After High-Speed Chase Reaches Speeds of 7 MPH

Local Loveseat Leads Police on Slowest High-Speed Chase in Charlotte History. Residents Relieved Beige Two Seater is Finally Taken Off the Streets

Wrong Again Parents: Your Kid’s Booger-Eating Habit Might Be Good for Them

Forget Vitamins. Scientists say boogers could be nature’s best immune booster.

Big Pharma Announces Breakthrough Drug for Netflix Paralysis

The Pill Industrial Complex has finally solved one of modern life's greatest problems: Netflix Paralysis. Meet Decidex™, the miracle drug that help...

Fake Gravity Panic Sends Velcro Sales Into Orbit

In the latest chapter of “Things That Could Only Happen on the Internet,” Velcro sales are reportedly climbing as some Americans prepare for a comp...

Tokyo Outlaws A/C, Forces Citizens into Human Refrigerators

Japan has officially outlawed traditional air conditioning. While the radical policy has slashed carbon emissions, it has also sparked a massive de...

Florida Man Drifts 90 Miles to Cuba in Porta-Potty, Arrested as a Spy

A Daytona Beach man swept 90 miles across the ocean inside a rogue porta-potty has washed ashore in Cuba, where authorities are bizarrely holding h...

Taco Bell Debuts “Slim-Down Crave Box” in Bold Weight-Loss Pivot

The Brown Tide is Rising: Cyclosporiasis Cases Are Having a Run of Their Own

America's digestive system is having a moment, and judging by the bathroom lines, it's a movement everyone gets behind.

Man Injured on Bison Ride at Yellowstone Theme Park

A grandfather just became the star of Yellowstone's newest "Bison Ride," launching an impressive eight feet into the air after a run-in with a 2,00...

Early-Onset Bird Watching: A Growing Epidemic

Epidemiologists have observed a concerning rise in cases of “early-onset bird watching,” where harmless curiosity escalates into binocular dependen...

Amazon Tests “Porch Cannon” for Lawn-Conscious Shipping

Amazon has announced a new delivery system called BLAST (Ballistic Logistics Advanced Shipment Targeting), designed to reduce driver interaction wi...

Time to Reel It In: Cop Pulls Gun Over Reheated Seafood

A disagreement over a coworker’s fish lunch escalated into an unauthorized use of force at a Myrtle Beach police station.

Japan Raids Big Ice Cream: The Six Cent Syndicate

Japan’s ice cream corporations are facing an antitrust investigation over allegations of price fixing. The scandal has sparked polite apologies abo...

"Yoga Pants Inspector" Still at Large After Citing Multiple Shoppers

Shoppers were confused and amused after mall security began issuing fake “yoga pants” citations. After multiple complaints were filed, police respo...

Air Canada “Really Sorry,” Now Using Real Pilots

For 17 years, an Air Canada captain flew more than 900 flights and thousands of passengers with everything required for the job — except a license.

Trashed Panda: Raccoon Outwits Police For 6 Years

A suspect with paws tops the most wanted list in Virginia after eluding authorities for years.

Councilman Arrested for “Petting Beaver," Faces Restraining Order

Desperate for flood relief, UK towns are going to extreme lengths for Norwegian beavers, including inter-town trafficking.

Bill Gates Invests in Wings That Never Met a Chicken

The future of meat may not require a pasture. It will, however, require several engineers.

Greta Thunberg Hails Fukushima’s Radioactive Bears as “Eco-Heroes”

In Fukushima, mutant bears maul workers at a steel plant and enforce carbon neutrality with teeth.

Serial Seat-Sniffer Strikes Again: The Bloodhound of Burbank

A dedicated serial butt-sniffer from California was arrested again for crouching behind women in stores and taking enthusiastic whiffs — proving so...

McDonald's Launches McMRE with Famine Fries: “We Already Had The Shelf Life”

Facing declining sales, McDonald's has embraced the prepper market with the launch of the McMRE, a line of survival meals built around the legendar...

KFC Squid Games 3D-Printed Meal: Because Actual Food Was Getting Complicated

KFC and McDonald's have unveiled "high-tech nutrition" meals, featuring 3D-printed food based collectibles.

Wife Stabs Husband With Squirrel After Dry Beer Run

A South Carolina woman was arrested after allegedly stabbing her husband with a decorative ceramic squirrel after he returned home late Christmas Eve.

The Mangione Effect Hits NYC: Billionaires Bubble Up

New York’s ultra-wealthy are taking personal security to a new extreme with “billionaire bubbles”—clear, lightweight, bulletproof enclosures that a...

Soap Costs Skyrocket: Prison Authorities Baffled

Prisons across the country are struggling to get inmates to pick up soap, even when offered incentives. The stubborn refusal has led to soaring soa...

Man Saves $20 on Mower Repair, Accidentally Pays in Fingers

A man trying to save $20 by sharpening his lawnmower blade loses two fingers after missing some details in a YouTube video. A cautionary tale for D...

Cone of Shame Finds New Application in Men's Health, Doctors Report

Man's Understanding of 'Everything Bagel' Grows Considerably During HR Meeting

An Oregon man was fired after failing a drug test and initially blamed the result on a poppy seed bagel he ate for breakfast. When told he tested p...

Area Man Who Shot Own Foot Now Trusts German Shepherd with Loaded Firearm

Sergeant Pepper outfitted in tactical gear and sidearm

Man Survives Rattlesnake Bite to Groin on Camping Trip—Finds Out Who Friends Are

An Arkansas man is bitten by a rattlesnake in a most unfortunate spot during a camping trip, only to discover that, when it counts, some friendship...

AI Servers Blamed for Regional Drought as Experimental Cooling Method Raises New Questions

Engineers have improved AI performance. The solution was high-quality bottled water.

Amazing! Mankind’s First Images From The Dark Side of The Moon

NASA Releases Historic Artemis II Photos — Humanity Responds: “Enhance?”

Is The Easter Bunny Real? Not According To Hershey

Hershey to Test Real Chocolate Bunnies by 2027. So What Are Your Kids Really Eating This Easter?

From Rides to Responsibilities: Uber Platinum Does It All

Uber Platinum - A Tier So Premium It Doesn’t Just Get You Somewhere… It Gets Things Done.

Kentucky Man and Horse Arrested for DUI

A Bowling Green Man Arrested for Horseback DUI -- Also Faces Charges for Contributing to the Delinquency of an Equine

Local Man Attempts Ancient Ritual Known as “Waiting”

Study Finds Vegetables Take Longer to Grow Than People Prefer

Drought Exposes Lost City and Reveals Opportunity for Capitalism

Lake Mead exposes profit potential.

Man Vows To Get His Life Together Immediately After One More Thing

Sources confirm a man will begin his highly productive new life shortly after finishing one last quick task.

Households Move Decorative Linens to Active Duty

With wallets thinning and prices rising, Americans quietly cross the final fiscal threshold: putting the monogrammed guest towels into circulation.