The Brown Tide is Rising: Cyclosporiasis Cases Are Having a Run of Their Own
America's digestive system is having a moment, and judging by the bathroom lines, it's a movement everyone gets behind.
Public health officials are reporting an uptick in cyclosporiasis, a foodborne illness caused by the microscopic parasite Cyclospora cayetanensis. The infection is typically linked to contaminated fresh produce—think cilantro, basil, lettuce, berries, and other foods that skipped the "thorough rinse" phase. Symptoms include prolonged diarrhea, stomach cramps, fatigue, nausea, and enough bathroom visits to alarm your peers and deplete your toilet paper supply.
In other words, the nation's plumbing infrastructure is quietly being stress-tested.
Health experts say cases tend to rise during warmer months as more fresh produce is consumed. That's a perfectly reasonable explanation, but it doesn't make explaining your fourth "quick trip to the restroom" during a work meeting any less suspicious.
The parasite itself is fascinating in the worst possible way. Unlike many foodborne bugs, Cyclospora doesn't become infectious immediately. It actually needs time in the environment before it can ruin someone’s afternoon. Even this parasite believes in delayed gratification.
For those keeping score at home, here's our completely scientific severity index:
Unofficial Brown Alert Scale:
Medical professionals recommend washing produce, practicing good food safety, and seeking treatment if symptoms linger. The Distractivist recommends memorizing the locations of every restroom within your proximity and never, ever, under any circumsatnces, trusting a fart.
The silver lining? Most people recover with appropriate treatment and no deaths have been reported thus far due to the parasite. The downside? You may experience an uptick in cleaning supplies, air fresheners, and overall screen time. Maybe that's exactly what "they" want.
Based on some information published by apnews.com and stanford.edu.
In other words, the nation's plumbing infrastructure is quietly being stress-tested.
Health experts say cases tend to rise during warmer months as more fresh produce is consumed. That's a perfectly reasonable explanation, but it doesn't make explaining your fourth "quick trip to the restroom" during a work meeting any less suspicious.
The parasite itself is fascinating in the worst possible way. Unlike many foodborne bugs, Cyclospora doesn't become infectious immediately. It actually needs time in the environment before it can ruin someone’s afternoon. Even this parasite believes in delayed gratification.
For those keeping score at home, here's our completely scientific severity index:
Unofficial Brown Alert Scale:
Medical professionals recommend washing produce, practicing good food safety, and seeking treatment if symptoms linger. The Distractivist recommends memorizing the locations of every restroom within your proximity and never, ever, under any circumsatnces, trusting a fart.
The silver lining? Most people recover with appropriate treatment and no deaths have been reported thus far due to the parasite. The downside? You may experience an uptick in cleaning supplies, air fresheners, and overall screen time. Maybe that's exactly what "they" want.
Based on some information published by apnews.com and stanford.edu.
