Bison vs. Influencers: Yellowstone's Viral Safety Plan
Yellowstone aims to reduce tourists getting too close to bison by painting viral-style hashtags like #WildAF and #WillYeetYou directly on the animals.
WYOMING — In a desperate bid to halt the rising tide of "Bison-on-Influencer" incidents, Yellowstone National Park officials announced a groundbreaking new safety initiative today: Project Gen Z.
Starting next month, select herds of the park's 2,000-pound, rapidly moving land-tanks will be stenciled with high-visibility, organic, non-toxic beet based dye warnings. The messaging is designed specifically to penetrate the attention spans of tourists who view the natural world exclusively through a 6.1-inch screen.
Speaking the Language of the Phone Generation
"Standard wooden signs that say 'Stay 25 Yards Away' simply aren't registering with the modern brain," said Lead Park Ranger Marcus Vance. "But when we painted #DoNotApproach and #CrushRisk in bright pink, gluten-free beet juice on the flank of a massive bull bison, we saw a 40% reduction in tourists trying to pet it. They didn't read the warning signs, but they did stop to film the hashtags from a safe distance."
According to leaked documents, the park has developed a dictionary of translating traditional park safety guidelines into modern, digestible warnings.
Traditional Park Warning: Proposed Bison Side-Paint
Wild animals are unpredictable: #WildAF
Maintain a safe distance of 100 yards: #SocialDistanceOrDie
Bison can run up to 35 miles per hour: #WillYeetYou
Do not attempt to touch the wildlife: #ADIH (Another Day In Hell)
This animal is incredibly heavy and dangerous: #AbsoluteUnit (Danger Edition)
Critics Decry 'Aesthetic Ruin'
Not everyone is thrilled with the new initiative. Local travel influencer and lifestyle vlogger, Brayden "Glamping" Jenkins, expressed deep concern over how the organic dyes might affect his curated feed. "I went to Yellowstone so my followers could connect with the raw, untouched beauty of nature," Brayden said, while staring at photos of himself. "But when I tried to get a selfie of me kissing a bison, the side of it literally read #DeleteYourAccount. It totally ruined the Earthy, cottagecore vibe of my grid. Frankly, it felt like a personal attack."
Yellowstone officials remain undeterred. If the bison trial is successful, the park plans to expand the program next summer, including painting #SlipperyWet on waterfalls and #WillSuckYouIntoTheEarth on the boiling geothermal hot springs.
Also: Video of Man Injured on Bison Ride at Yellowstone Theme Park Facebook or Instagram.
Starting next month, select herds of the park's 2,000-pound, rapidly moving land-tanks will be stenciled with high-visibility, organic, non-toxic beet based dye warnings. The messaging is designed specifically to penetrate the attention spans of tourists who view the natural world exclusively through a 6.1-inch screen.
Speaking the Language of the Phone Generation
"Standard wooden signs that say 'Stay 25 Yards Away' simply aren't registering with the modern brain," said Lead Park Ranger Marcus Vance. "But when we painted #DoNotApproach and #CrushRisk in bright pink, gluten-free beet juice on the flank of a massive bull bison, we saw a 40% reduction in tourists trying to pet it. They didn't read the warning signs, but they did stop to film the hashtags from a safe distance."
According to leaked documents, the park has developed a dictionary of translating traditional park safety guidelines into modern, digestible warnings.
Traditional Park Warning: Proposed Bison Side-Paint
Wild animals are unpredictable: #WildAF
Maintain a safe distance of 100 yards: #SocialDistanceOrDie
Bison can run up to 35 miles per hour: #WillYeetYou
Do not attempt to touch the wildlife: #ADIH (Another Day In Hell)
This animal is incredibly heavy and dangerous: #AbsoluteUnit (Danger Edition)
Critics Decry 'Aesthetic Ruin'
Not everyone is thrilled with the new initiative. Local travel influencer and lifestyle vlogger, Brayden "Glamping" Jenkins, expressed deep concern over how the organic dyes might affect his curated feed. "I went to Yellowstone so my followers could connect with the raw, untouched beauty of nature," Brayden said, while staring at photos of himself. "But when I tried to get a selfie of me kissing a bison, the side of it literally read #DeleteYourAccount. It totally ruined the Earthy, cottagecore vibe of my grid. Frankly, it felt like a personal attack."
Yellowstone officials remain undeterred. If the bison trial is successful, the park plans to expand the program next summer, including painting #SlipperyWet on waterfalls and #WillSuckYouIntoTheEarth on the boiling geothermal hot springs.
Also: Video of Man Injured on Bison Ride at Yellowstone Theme Park Facebook or Instagram.
