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"Yoga Pants Inspector" Still at Large After Citing Multiple Shoppers
Shoppers were confused and amused after mall security began issuing fake “yoga pants” citations. After multiple complaints were filed, police responded and confirmed no such enforcement program exists.
Councilman Arrested for “Petting Beaver," Faces Restraining Order
Desperate for flood relief, UK towns are going to extreme lengths for Norwegian beavers, including inter-town trafficking.
Serial Seat-Sniffer Strikes Again: The Bloodhound of Burbank
A dedicated serial butt-sniffer from California was arrested again for crouching behind women in stores and taking enthusiastic whiffs — proving some people really commit to their hobbies.
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Tighten the Purse Strings: No Plus-Ones, “We’re Saving for Our Future”
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are reportedly enforcing a strict no plus-one policy for unmarried guests at their upcoming wedding, but the budget minded approach is sparking backlash from some invitees.
Wife Stabs Husband With Squirrel After Dry Beer Run
A South Carolina woman was arrested after allegedly stabbing her husband with a decorative ceramic squirrel after he returned home late Christmas Eve.
The Art of the Wall: Trump Recommends Gold Escalators for China’s “Depressing" Landmark
During a diplomatic tour of the Great Wall, Donald Trump offered President Xi Jinping some real estate tips, suggesting the ancient fortification could use a bit of gilded luster.
Take a Seat: Everybody Wins
A modest proposal for men, bathrooms, and the power of basic consideration.
Mother's Day Initially A Pagan Ritual
A recent archaeological discovery found that Mother's Day was initially an ancient Pagan ritual to express gratitude to maternal figures who were not to be angered under any circumstances.
Man Saves $20 on Mower Repair, Accidentally Pays in Fingers
A man trying to save $20 by sharpening his lawnmower blade loses two fingers after missing some details in a YouTube video. A cautionary tale for DIY enthusiasts.
Man's Understanding of 'Everything Bagel' Grows Considerably During HR Meeting
An Oregon man was fired after failing a drug test and initially blamed the result on a poppy seed bagel he ate for breakfast. When told he tested positive for multiple drugs, he changed his explanati…
Packers Quietly Float Lambeau Naming Rights, Fans Respond With Highly Specific Demands
Tradition is Priceless. Unless...?
Distractivist Gear
We wish we had something to sell you right now — Seriously, we do — But we haven’t actually made it yet.
Oswald Rocks
Did you know that Lee Harvey Oswald fronted a rock band???
