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Uber’s New "Men Choosing Men" Feature Promises "Glorious Silence"
Uber today announced its new "Men Choosing Men" feature, giving male passengers the ability to request male drivers who understand that meaningful conversation is entirely optional.
AquaCompute: Where Cloud Infrastructure Meets the Lazy River
While some guests have raised concerns about data quality, park officials assure them that “governance is on the roadmap.”
UK Parents Panic After Social Media Ban: “If TikTok Can’t Raise Our Kids, Who Will?”
The UK is set to ban social media for under-16s starting in 2027, prompting dramatic reactions from some parents who are reliant on the platforms to entertain their kids.
Bill Gates Invests in Wings That Never Met a Chicken
The future of meat may not require a pasture. It will, however, require several engineers.
KFC Squid Games 3D-Printed Meal: Because Actual Food Was Getting Complicated
KFC and McDonald's have unveiled "high-tech nutrition" meals, featuring 3D-printed food based collectibles.
Pentagon Says Unidentified “Chicken Sized Hole” in Nevada Linked to UFO Activity
Pentagon officials revealed that newly declassified UAP files may document a bizarre spacetime anomaly near a Nevada test site: a perfectly circular chicken sized hole believed to be linked to advanc…
Local Grandmother Awakens from 12-Year Facebook Coma, Immediately Asks Who ‘Reacted’ to Her Hospital Photo
She was then informed that her youngest grandchild had graduated college, her neighbor had moved twice, and Facebook itself was now primarily used to sell furniture and argue about HOA rules.
Local Woman Devastated After “Soulmate” Leaves Her for a Liquid-Cooled Rack
Lifestyle influencer is reeling after her boyfriend left her for a liquid-cooled AI companion, claiming it’s more “efficient” than human relationships.
Family Claims Delivery Drones Kidnapped Cat
Officials are investigating reports of autonomous delivery drones displaying unexpected behaviors, operating in swarms, and possibly using parked electric vehicles to self-charge.
AI Chatbot Develops Existential Crisis
Artificial intelligence system questions its own existence after consuming too much AI-related content.
iPhone "paste over" bug, not a priority, not even possible
iPhone's infamous “Paste Over” Bug Requires Processing Power Not Yet Invented.
Idaho Man Claims He’s Making Millions Working From Home Using Tesla Robots to Stuff Envelopes
Using what experts call “the future of automation for small business,” local resident Darren Wilkes claims he is making over 100,000 dollars a month from home by deploying a fleet of Tesla robots.
Tech Company Announces Revolutionary New App That Does Exactly What Existing Apps Do
Startup launches app that does exactly the same thing as existing apps, but claims combined features are revolutionary.
